My SToRY.
Nicole Ballantine
FOUNDER OF WITHLOVECOLE.COM
+ COLE APOTHECARY.
Who am I truly? This question is where my story begins. As a young child I was always curious about people in my environment but never felt like I truly connected or fit in. As a self-projected projector 3/5 profile (Human Design talk) my life has been filled with moments of confirmation in who I am along with tons of trials testing my very being.
I was born and raised in NYC by a loving and very over-protective Caribbean single mother whose newfound faith as a Jehovah’s Witness impassioned her to focus solely on the organizations doctrine. For 18 years this belief shaped everything I thought I was until I decided to leave. I left because it became another environment I felt projected on in, judged and shamed for being unique. My decision to leave, came when I couldn’t go to prom because “worldly people” so I left and never looked back. My wellness journey and spiritual understanding of self began in this moment. I had no idea the very nature of what was happening but I know my decision required me to focus on being independent and self-sufficient.
Of course I’m making it sound much simpler than it seems but along the way this separation from a life I knew and a world I didn’t led to my being in a traumatic living situation, broke, in emotionally and verbally abusive relationships with a few narcissists, the reality of abortion, sexual trauma, Hollywood and more. These “problems” ended up turning into moments of clarity and shed light on my battles with nutrition, self-worth, spiritual identity, depression and anxiety.
ALONG MY HERO’S JOURNEY…I met guides, friends, places, books and animals that have adorned me with love, protection, blessings and resources. This taste of a deeper and more personal understanding of spirituality came when I started looking at my life no longer how I perceived it but how I wanted to envision it. I made a pivotal turn and woke up Dec 31,2015 and decided I wanted to start life and live in a way I felt was only a dream.
I moved to California and finally got to pursue my dream (or what I thought) of travel blogging and acting. What I hadn’t realized was I envisioned stability, material possessions, status and prestige and hadn’t focused on the feelings of any of it. I hadn’t taken any time to consider what I wanted my life to feel like, the relationships I wanted to create and what imprint I would want to leave. I didn’t realize I was in a period of purgatory, healing but still stuck in old habits allowing unreciprocal relationships, lifestyle chasing and poor self-care to lead to fear based decision-making and selling myself short.
YES, a mess! So I really started doing the work to heal. I thought my body came first because of societal pressures for women to conform (happy that narrative is changing), then I thought my spirit came first because of the belief that God is all you need to have, only to realize no we need to have an understanding of all three: mind, body and spirit. When I realized the importance of this holy trinity I came to my own conclusion. God is all. As energetic beings, mind, body and spirit connection are essential for our personal health and those of others. So the question is who am I truly? I am Nicole Ballantine and I am everything I think, do and believe. I am my mind, body and spirit. This understanding fueled my desire to learn more about who I am, scientifically, astrologically and energetically. I created this space to use my innate gifts however I see fit to help other humans better understand who they are, their place in society and purpose in the world.
As an intuitive healer and educator life continues to throw curveballs and I continually grow and learn as I manage feelings of anxiousness, depression and my not-self theme of bitterness. So who am I truly? A human learning and experiencing life. Through my unique and collective experiences I gain wisdom and share my truth with you. We are all each others students and teachers.
withlovecole.com is dedicated to my greatest teacher of compassion my mother: my first wellness coach, spiritual guide and nutritionist. I love you and have learned to respect, understand and appreciate your design.
